Is Mars too cold for you? (it is.) Are you worried about the flying asteroids hitting you while you walk outside? (you are.) Are your eyes simply too weak to be able to see in the vast darkness of the mars climate? (they are.) Most importantly, are you worried about having to leave behind your sweet old dog? (yes! he is worried too.)

Then look no further, because I have made the perfect invention for you! Inspired by the sleek army knife that my older brother Josh lost in the airport 11 years ago, I propose my new invention, Me and My Dog and an Impossible View! You can also call it MAMDAAIV for short!

Too cold? No problem! Simply inject the Substance™ into your bloodstream and witness your biology change in front of your very eyes! Your body temperature will stay at the same temperature that it was when the Substance™ was taken. Additionally, gills will grow somewhere (varies person to person) on your body* to ensure you can breathe in the Mars climate, and it instantly makes your body 200 times more dense so you don't blow away in the harsh Mars winds!

MAMDAAIV also contains one supersonic super power plus 14 flashlight, which can cut through the Mars Darkness. The best part? The last attachment is an Ultra Mega 1000 Max Chromiumatic Pickle Ball Paddle, so you can practice your recieves with the asteroids flying at you! It's a win win!

* side effects may include permanant unshakeable guilt, weight gain, weight loss, depression, scoliosis, permanent gills, inability to breathe, death, life, pregnancy, anxiety, stomach pain, mania, heartache, obsession with a mediocre movie that everyone hates, niche interests that no one relates to, and potentially more. You may even take the form of the Anxious Puddle, depicted below. More clinical trials to come.